


La Douleur Exquise

by chuwaeyo



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/F, Light Angst, lol, me after pressing the post button: pull the fucking trigger piglet, someone holding a gun up to my head: stop writing angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-06-04 19:55:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15154475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chuwaeyo/pseuds/chuwaeyo
Summary: The heart-wrenching pain of wanting someone you can't have.





	La Douleur Exquise

**Author's Note:**

> more angst?? :00 no surprise here  
> as usual hmu @ chuwaeyo on tumblr for anything  
> cheers!

It was only a few hours after Sokovia, maybe more, but you weren't sure, having lost track of time after the battle, rallying the others and focusing on piloting the damaged quinjet back the Avengers Compound in one piece. 

Once you landed the aircraft, everyone went their separate ways mindlessly, eager for a shower, sleep, food, or all of the above after the long mission. But you? 

You were too drained from the long ordeal that finally being back home and safe was more exhausting than the battle itself. As everyone trickled out of the quinjet, you stayed back in the pilot seat, leaning back with a quiet sigh, your eyes burning from the long hours of focus. It felt strange to catch a breath after all the drama and fighting earlier.

To your surprise, Clint was still talking quietly to both Pietro and Wanda, but he was still quick to catch your eye and give you a tired nod and smile before leading them to what you assumed to be the rooms they were free to use.

Much like the time when Tony and Natasha first picked you up, you were sure Clint wanted to make sure they both felt at home in the large building, chaotic as all of your lives were.

The memory brought a smile to your face as you walked down the hallway towards the kitchen, eager for something warm in your system to help your nerves, but you were surprised to see the area empty, as Bruce or Thor would always take refuge on the couch and play movies until they were both fast asleep.

Strange as it was, you didn't think much of the lack of their presence, considering everything that the past day had held, quickly brewing yourself a cup of tea before noticing Wanda sitting outside on the balcony alone, her small figure shivering clearly against her thin layers.

"Hey Wanda, how are you feeling?" You tapped against the wall to notify her of your presence and offered her the tea you originally made for yourself when she turned around.

The action was like an instinct, your hand moving forward without thinking the moment you noticed how much her hands were shivering from sitting outside while it was so cold.

With a small, wary smile, she grabbed the mug from your hands and hummed happily with a sip, "I'm fine, still not used to all the lights and sounds in this city, but fine just the same."

"That's good to hear for your first night," you leaned on the railing and watched the city lights flicker in the distance, thankful that you were so close to being by a city that never quite slept. "First time I got here I was such a big bundle of nerves, Natasha took pity on me and let me sleep next to her while I was getting used to everything."

"You? So nervous that you had to sleep next to the Black Widow?" The thought seemed to amuse Wanda before a silence settled between you both, neither wanting to break it or knowing how to continue the conversation until she cleared her throat and put down the mug. "Why are you being so kind to me? Piet and I almost killed you earlier."

You couldn't help but laugh at her question, reminding you of a time where you said something eerily similar to Tony and Natasha a couple of years back when they first picked you up. "I know what it's like to do anything to survive and to protect what you love, I was in your place a few years ago."

When you turned to face her, she was nodding in response, or maybe even in acceptance at your reply, her eyes never leaving the city lights.

"Here, take my jacket. It's your first night here and I don't want to be the one responsible for you freezing on the balcony," you grinned and fought against flinching as a sudden gust of cold air hit both of you the moment you took off the jacket and put it around her shoulders. "I think I'm gonna turn in, fighting you and your brother on top of all those Sentries, and piloting the damaged quinjet really took more out of me than I thought. Have a good night, Wanda."

Too preoccupied with retreating to the warmth of your room and bed, you didn't see Wanda's shy smile or quiet, "thank you."

And maybe it was thanks to Clint's watchful eye over the twins or your kind gesture on the balcony that first night back, but Wanda's walls fell almost as fast as Pietro's, both quickly finding a home and family in the Avengers. That ever chaotic family of yours that you loved to death.

And just as fast as her walls fell, so did the one around your heart.

"I don't know why you can't just tell her, (Y/N)." Natasha let out a sigh before putting her arm around your shoulder, watching as you played with the glass of whiskey in your hands, "it's just Wanda. You're her most important person after Pietro, even Clint is jealous that she cares about you more than him. She'll understand."

You might have been the most important after Pietro, but you also knew that before Pietro was Vision. Wanda's most important person out of everyone in the Compound, before Clint, before you, before Pietro... it was him.

Would she really understand?

Your hands tightened around the glass of whiskey Tony had poured for you earlier, as you held back your disappointment as best you could, "just look at her, Nat. She looks happier than we've ever seen thanks to Vision. I couldn't dare ruin that, or do that to them. Not to her."

And even as she smiled and laughed at something ridiculous Clint said to her and Vision, your eyes and scowl were immovable.

At first, you said it was because you wanted to watch over them, to make sure no one ever gave them trouble, but you were all Avengers, you could stand up for yourselves. No matter how much you tried to make sense of it, you knew there would always be a fault in your argument.

And then it all came crashing down.

The walls you spent all your life carefully building up, demolished in an instant once you saw her smile. It left you breathless and drowning in emotions and feelings you wished Hydra destroyed with the rest of your memories.

You loved her.

But you know you could never have her.

And it left you with the heart-wrenching pain of wanting someone you can't have.


End file.
